Seniority: In elder abuse, put focus where it belongs

Guest Columnist

In elder abuse, put focus where it belongs

Too often those wishing to be of help forget how powerless victims of abuse can be. Victims' actions should not be questioned. It's the abuser who is breaking the law.

By BONNIE L. QUICK

Editor's note: This is the first in an occasional series in which experts are asked to address topics and issues important to the elderly.

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One of the most common questions a victim of domestic violence is asked is "Why do you stay?" Close seconds are, "Why do you continue to let him/her abuse you?" or "Why do you allow him/her to treat you that way?" or "Why don't you do something? Don't you know you deserve better than that?"

People concerned about the victim and wanting to help usually ask these questions. The problem with questions that start with "why" is that they shift the focus from the abuser to the victim.

Nobody likes to be mistreated, but victims are often afraid to leave because they have been threatened, have no money or feel they have nowhere to turn for help. Other barriers to leaving, such as embarrassment, denial and lack of mobility, may exist as well.

Domestic violence is abusive behavior that uses power and control to intimidate and rule, and 95 percent of domestic violence's victims are women. The effects of domestic violence are exacerbated in an older person, depending on the person's degree of infirmity.

Elders come from a generation that was taught to keep things private and not to "air one's dirty laundry in public." This kind of thinking plays into one of the most effective tactics of abusers -- isolation. This keeps the victim from having any influence other than the abuser's.

In the past, domestic violence was treated as a "family" problem. If "so and so's" husband beat her, he might get a visit from her father and brothers, who "handled" the problem or made the victim suffer in silence.

What's important to remember today is that domestic violence is a crime and is punishable by prison. The first offense to an elder is a felony. According to the law, a person over age 65 has the same rights as those who are disabled or under age 18.

There is also a mandatory reporting law. If you have a neighbor you think is being abused by a partner or another live-in caregiver or relative, you are required to report it so it can be investigated. This can be done by calling the abuse hotline toll-free at 1-800-500-1119. You do not have to give your name.

In St. Petersburg, Center Against Spouse Abuse (CASA) is the domestic violence center that offers a 24-hour crisis line, shelter, transitional housing, counseling, support groups, community education and a thrift store. To make use of CASA's services, call (727) 895-4912.

Asking domestic violence victims why they don't do something is like asking the owner of a gas station that has been robbed, "Why did you have your business open?" or "Why did you have a cash register there?" or "Why do you have your gas pump out there just waiting for someone to drive away without paying?"

The focus should be on the criminal. But too often the victim is asked to take responsibility for a crime committed against her. It is not the victim's fault. Instead of asking why, let's ask, "How may I help?"

-- Bonnie Quick is the Community Outreach/Elder Advocate with the Center Against Spouse Abuse (CASA).

For information

Senior Helpline: (727) 576-1533

Domestic Violence Hotline: toll-free 1-800-500-1119

CASA 24 Hour Access Line: (727) 895-4912